December 24 (Lk. 1,67-79): After John

“Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel, for he has come to his people and set them free.”

For like forever, the Israelites had to struggle against the oppression of the Egyptians. They cried out to God for help. Mindful of his servants Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and of his promise that he would always be there for them (for that is what Yahweh means), he wrought the magnificent event of the Exodus, through the hands of Moses, to liberate them.

But there is a far more onerous and a far harsher oppression that all humanity has to run a way from. It is the oppression of sin. Now, Zechariah, by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, proclaimed that God had already raised up a mighty Savior to liberate humanity from this oppression. The coming of the Savior had been foretold by the prophets as a fulfillment of the promise of God. John, his son, would be great, for he would go before this Savior to prepare his way and point him out when he came. As yet, humanity walked in darkness. And the Savior would be the Light to scatter this and to guide them as they walked the way of peace. The Savior is Jesus, the Son of Mary.

John’s mission, as his name indicates, was to proclaim, by word and action, that God is compassionate. He did this precisely by preparing the way for the Lord so that humanity could go to him. It is only by following a way that we get somewhere. Without a way, we could not reach Jesus, who is rich in mercy and compassion.

John taught that the way to Jesus is repentance for our sins. Repentance makes “the windings straight and the rough ways smooth”. With a repentant heart, Jesus can come to us and we can go to him so that we may be forgiven of our sins. There is no other way by which we can meet God and gain salvation. Jesus himself appeared proclaiming, “Reform your lives!” Repentance is the way to salvation. This is the way we are all enjoined to go. There is no better way to prepare for his coming than to stop our sinfullness and set straight the way that leads to us. Reaching us, he, the Light, may begin to shine anew in our life.

The Light did not come to shine only for us. It is our vocation to be a little light for others who are finding their way to Jesus. Let us not leave them wandering in the dark. Let us show them the way – the way of repentance, of reform, of change of heart.

Following the way of John and trusting in the tender compassion of God, may we all find our feet on the way towards the peace and salvation of Jesus.

December 23 (Lk. 1,57-66): What Will This Child Be?

I consider my family my greatest treasure. I am how I am today largely because of my family. I am the Fr. Tom standing before you today because of my family.

When a child is born, people get to ask: “What will this child be?” Will he be a doctor, or a lawyer, or an engineer, or an executive, or a manager, or a priest? Will she be a nurse, or a teacher, or a midwife, or a religious? Will he be respectful and obedient, intelligent and talented? Or will he be a drunkard like his father, or a gambler like his uncle? Will she be a gossiper like her mother, or unfaithful like her aunt?

When you and I were born, this question might have also been asked. Many things might have run across the minds of our parents and relatives, many dreams woven into their minds. As we grew up, we may have achieved some of these, or we may have missed whatever was dreamed for us. There is one basic dream for every child: that he grow up in grace and wisdom, just like Jesus under the loving care of Joseph and Mary.

But how are our children raised these days? They are left under the care of the nanny, who leaves them in front of the television unsupervised. A few years back, a TV channel carried the news about a four year old boy who always watched TV – guns, killings, violence. One day, after watching on TV a man killing somebody with a gun, he went to his parent’s room, took his father’s gun, went to his yaya, pointed the gun at her, and, puuuh, the yaya lay lifeless on the floor.

Several years ago, computers were only accessible, aside from office workers, to college students. Now, almost everybody, including pre-schoolers, can take advantage of the wonders of the computer, where everything is just a click away. In this age of information technology, one can hardly keep in step with the world without a computer. Use the computer, we must. But who knows what other sites our children are visiting? Consider the stream of negative influences the internet may have on a person.

“What will this child be?” Such a question of great importance! A question that must be asked by both parents and children.

All of us are children, reared by our parents. Perhaps, we children should look at ourselves and ask: How am I? What am I doing with my life? What are my dreams? What are the things that matter to me? What are my priorities? What are the things I believe in? Where is the family in my world, in my consciousness? Is my family my greatest treasure? How is my relationship with my parents, my brothers and sisters? Am I open to them? Do I care about how they feel? All parents wish the best for their children. This is why parents work so hard to be able to send their children to the best schools and assure them of a brighter future. Do I value the way my parents care for me? Do I think my parents, my family, are happy with how I am now? We forget that it is in the family that we learn the basics of life. It is in the family that we feel most secure, energized and revitalized. It is within the family that we find real peace and sense of belonging. Regrettably, many of us take our families for granted until it’s too late. Scripture says, “Jesus went down with Joseph and Mary and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them . . . and increased in wisdom.”

Parents, do you honestly think you had been and continue to be the best parents that you can be to your children? Do you make an effort to bring yourselves close to your children and understand them? Do you care about how they feel and what they think? Are you aware about the difficulties they go through, their problems, their confusions? Our children may be okay and silent in the outside, but exploding and screaming in the inside. Are you happy to see what your children have become? Do you think your children are happy that they have you as their parents? Parents should realize that every child wants to belong to a good, holy, peaceful and respectable family. Parents need to be keenly aware with everything that happens inside the family and listen to what God may be saying. They must imitate Mary who treasured everything in her heart. There were many tragic events that happened to her family, things that were hard to understand, but she meditated on them in the light of God’s word. Parents must remain aware that they are the primary educators of their children. Not the television, not the laptop or the internet or any other medium of communication, not the barkada. They must be vigilant and protective of their children so that they may become like Jesus, who grew to be an obedient child to Joseph and Mary, or like John, who must have been docile to Zechariah and Elizabeth.

“What will this child be?” This question is important to God, too. Every one of us has been created in His image and likeness. He has great plans for us. But we frustrate his plans because we just do what we want to do although what we want may be contrary to his will. As God’s children, we must follow the example of Jesus who said, “I must be in my Father’s house. I must be about his things. I must follow what he wants.” No father or mother desires the ruin of his or her children, but that they become as God intended them to be that they may be happy in this life. Do we think God is happy with how we are spending our time on earth?

I love my family. If I were given a second shot at life, I would happily choose to be born again into the family built by my father and mother with love and care. Our life as a family may be ordinary and simple, but there is genuine loving and caring. Having my family as I know it, I can say, “It’s great to be alive.”

Can you say that, too?

(Some points were shared by a friend, Sherween Saquing.)

December 22 (Lk. 1,46-56): Mary’s Song of Praise

Mary was full of joy as she trod the long and winding road towards the hill country of Judea where Zechariah and Elizabeth lived. Mary expressed her joy over her cousin’s blessing. So did Elizabeth share in Mary’s jubilation because God found favor in someone from their family to carry the Son of God in her womb.

When our happiness is so strong and overpowering, our eyes twinkle like they never did before. Our face radiates the completeness that our soul enjoys. It is as if the day were ours, the sun shone only for us, the wind blew fresh for our sake. We get to sing our heart out, albeit our tongue may not distinguish a do from a re.

Mary must have been bursting with such joy as she proclaimed to Elizabeth the good things God had done to her. She was ecstatic but never proud. She knew how lowly a person she was, and yet God favored her among the daughters of the earth. Her heart could not contain all the happiness that God poured into her being. This she wanted to share with humanity. This she wanted to shout to the world: “God, who is mighty, has done great things for me, holy is his name!” She sang her heart out. “My being proclaims the greatness of the Lord; my spirit finds joy in God my savior.”

Mary’s song was a recognition of the divine work in her humanness. She felt she did not deserve the way God was treating her, the way God was so close to her. God was with her!

Mary reminds us that God has done many good things for us, too. Many times, we immediately see God’s hand working for us. At other times, he works without our awareness, and we fail to recognize his movements about us, which accrue to our benefit. Sometimes, we mistake these movements as originating from our own strength. Not so. The truth is, everything is grace. Every good thing that we experience issues from the wellsprings of God’s goodness. We cannot claim possession over any one good thing that we enjoy. If we are healthy, if we are able to work, if we have claim to some remuneration, if we are able to buy things, if we have possessions, that is because God is good. He gives us the will and the strength to be how we want to be. He gives us the will and strength to achieve our goals. We are by God’s providence.

The heart of Mary was wrapped with thankfulness because of the goodness of the Lord. She gives us herself as our model. She teaches and inspires us to constantly remember our nothingness in our aloneness, and our fullness with the graciousness of God. Mary always approached God with a grateful heart. She fully knew that to God alone belongs our thanksgiving, for he alone has the power to accomplish things. Mary said: “He confuses the proud in their inmost thoughts. He deposes the mighty from their thrones and raises the lowly to high places. To the hungry he gives every good thing, while the rich he sends away empty.” He does great things to every one of us. For this, we might also come forward and acknowledge the goodness of God, singing: “My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord; my spirit rejoices in God my savior.”

But there is more to Mary’s song that just thanksgiving. It tells us about what God had done for us and what he continues to do. It is very clear that God wants change. In fact, He sent Jesus His only Son to restore all things to himself. God wants change in the moral sphere. “He has shown might with his arm, dispersed the arrogant of mind and heart.” For moral change to take place, every person who bears the name Christian must put on the humility of Christ. Humility and arrogance mutually exclude each other. God wants change in the social sphere. “He has thrown down the rulers from their thrones but lifted up the lowly.” For social change to come about, we should remind ourselves or perhaps even drill into our consciousness that all are equal before God. People in office, those in positions of power, should regard their work as a way to serve and not as an occasion to be served. God wants change in the economic sphere. “The hungry he has filled with good things; the rich he has sent away empty.” For economic change to happen, we start getting up from the “giving side” and not from the “taking side” of the bed each day. We are not here in the world to get as much or as many as we can. “All is vanity,” says Quoheleth. But if we do acquire, it is because we want to have something to share.

May we, like Mary, actively proclaim the goodness of God and demonstrate our gratefulness by being at the service of God’s strong desire for change. Our move, our action may not be that radical. But little by little, in our own little way, may we bring about moral change, social change and economic change in the world starting in ourselves, thus claiming Mary’s song our own.

Lk.1,26-28: Mary’s “Yes”

Nobody knows what the future holds for us. There may be a few who had been gifted with insight into the future, but generally, we, including Mary, are ignorant about what still will be.

No doubt, Mary knew the history of her people. She knew their desperations and hopes. She knew that God would fulfill his promise of salvation. But she could not have thought even once that she would be playing the vital role of delivering the Son of God into the world. Consider her shock when Angel Gabriel broke the good news to her. How could she have even imagined that she would become the Mother of God? She was only a very poor young lady from an obscure village. But when the fullness of time arrived for God to work out his plan of mercy, Mary, herself mindful of God’s mercy, said, “Let it be done unto me as you have said.” And she became, as it were, the receptacle of God’s mercy for the world.

That crucial “yes” of Mary started a new chapter in the history of the world. It was as if God’s light as never seen before finally broke through into mankind. And we thank Mary for saying her unconditional “yes” to God. That yes was not only a yes to Him, but it was as much a yes to us, her fellow human beings, her sons and daughters.

The “yes” that Mary gave the Angel at the Annunciation was only the first in a series of yeses in her whole life as the Mother of God. Almost immediately after she had given birth to Jesus, she learned the bare truth about his dreadful destiny and that her heart would be pierced by the sword. It must have taken time for the prophecy of Simeon about the sorrows to come to sink in her. But certainly she came to realize that accepting that prophecy was fundamental or central to the fiat, to that “yes” she professed at the Annunciation.

Although she, together with Joseph, had to protect her child from the deadly hands of Herod, and so they had to run to Egypt for safety, she kept her fiat. Although she must have become hysterical when she thought she had lost her son when he was 12, she still said yes. Although she was struck with great pain when she saw her son being rejected by the people of Nazareth – by their own people – and almost pushed by them over the cliff, she didn’t break loose of her yes. And although she was already drowning with so much hurt at seeing her son carrying that heavy cross towards Calvary, his face like a workshop of blood, of sweat and of derisive saliva, she never said “no” to God. But she patiently endured everything unto the foot of the cross. This is where her fiat had brought her. From her fiat at the Annunciation to her fiat at the foot of the cross, Mary remained the Mother of God; she lived her divine motherhood.

There are innumerable instances in our lives when we have to say “yes” or otherwise to someone or to something. Questions range from something trivial to something crucial, from something funny to something hurting, from something childish to something serious. Sometimes we postpone answering; but there come times when we are pressed for an answer. No matter what our answer to the question may be, we have to face the implications and consequences of that answer.

If you lose a loved one, especially when he is tragically taken away from you, would you still say yes to God? If your beloved son or daughter fail the bar or board exam despite your fervent and unceasing prayers, would you still say yes to God? If your good name is destroyed when all along you try to be the best person that you can be wherever you are, would you still say yes to God? Or would you still say yes to your spouse after he or she has betrayed your trust? Would you still say yes to your son or daughter after he or she has dragged your family to utter humiliation? Would you still say yes to your parents after they have failed to be the father and mother that they should be to you? No matter what we go through in life, we should not despair and say “no” to God.

Tony Castle relates that occasionally he meets someone who seems to have a secret, some special knowledge that sets that person apart. One such person was Ruby Free. Tony met her when she was conducting a Holy Land tour. He thought that she must have a secret, for how else could she accomplish so much, so easily? And he envied her. Ruby was a good listener, a troubleshooter, an organizer, a mother to her two children, etc. Yet she never got tired. He wanted to know her secret. And then when they returned home, he visited her. And Tony discovered Ruby’s secret. There it was, a two-word motto over her kitchen sink. It said: “Yes, Lord.”

Like Ruby, we can live that Marian brand of obedience to the will of God. Just as through Mary’s yes, God’s help gushed forth into the world, so would the same divine assistance flow to us with our yes to Him. To a great degree, our fiat will determine the breadth and length of our Christian happiness and fulfillment, emphasis put on the word “Christian”. And if your life is a “yes” to God, would you still need to know what the future will bring?

December 20 (Lk. 1,26-38): Sheltering God

Six months after God sent Angel Gabriel to Zechariah, he also sent him to a woman engaged to a man named Joseph. The woman was Mary, the daughter of Joachim and Anne.

We cannot live alone. We cannot satisfy all that we need with our own strength alone. We need others to take care of us. We need to belong. This is the reason that a person does not come into being on his own. When he comes to be, he comes to be in a family, in a home. The home makes a person. We are how we are largely because of our homes.

When the fullness of time came for God the Father to work his plan of salvation, he found in Mary the proper home into which his Son was to be born. From eternity, God had seen in Mary the kind of motherhood fit for his Son. To prepare her for the holy task of mothering the Son of God, God made his favor rest on her. Sanctifying grace protected her from the stain of sin so that she would be worthy to be the home of the Son of God. Human as she was, she was chosen to carry the Divine in her womb.

But God was not forcing her to take the office of motherhood of the Son of God. Mary had the freedom to concur with the will of God or to beg off. After all, he freely gave man freedom, yes, as a gift. Was she going to say yes?

“Rejoice, O highly favored daughter! The Lord is with you,” greeted Angel Gabriel. He added, “Blessed are you among women.” This angelic salutation disturbed Mary so much. She could not immediately make out that greeting. She must have been dumbfounded. The angel felt her confusion. And so he told her not to worry. In fact, she found favor with God. Among all women, she was favored to bring forth the Savior, to usher in the Light that would dispel all the darkness in the world. The child that she would conceive would free mankind from the grip of death and bring everyone into the glory of life everlasting, where he would reign over heaven and earth forever.

Mary was deeply honored for being chosen the home of the Divine. In her simplicity, and not out of unbelief, she asked: “How can this be since I am not yet married?” She did not say, “This is impossible. How can a woman who has not known any man be with child?” She did not question the power of God. She had faith that for God nothing was impossible. She wanted to know just how everything the angel told her would take place. The angel told her that the Holy Spirit would take care of that. The Holy Spirit would overshadow her, and she would conceive a son and name him Jesus, for he would save men from sin.

Because of her deep faith and unflinching love for God, she unhesitatingly accepted the divine invitation. She said “yes” to the will of God: “Let it be done to me as you say.” She trusted in the word of God. And with that occurred the wonderful event of the incarnation: God becoming man.

Mary’s yes was a crucial point in the history of salvation. It was her loving and faithful yes which allowed God’s grace of salvation to gush forth into humanity’s spiritual lowliness. By that yes, man was saved.

But God also waits on us. He also wants us to be other mothers, to be Marys. Let us shout our “yes” to God and allow a special place in our hearts for the Son of God. Let us bear him lovingly and faithfully for others to behold, that is, show them that we have Jesus in us, that Jesus is with us, by our acts of faith, of hope, of charity.

December 19 (Lk.1,5-25): The Listening God

One of the deepest desires of a father is for a son. A son takes the place of his father after his father is gone and so perpetuates his father’s name. A son, therefore, makes secure a father’s memory. The gift of a son immortalizes a father’s being.

Zechariah must have had this desire. It seemed too bad, he had to keep hoping for a son (or a child) for so long, even beyond the time to shelve such hope altogether. He was too old; so was his wife Elizabeth, Mary’s cousin. The sun had already gone down on the possibility for him to have a child. Elizabeth was sterile! In Jewish culture, sterility was seen as a punishment from God for one’s sins. Because her womb did not bear any child for Zechariah, she became a focus of reproach among her neighbors. These people must have been laughing secretly behind Elizabeth’s back. But the hope remained burning. And then, one day, Zechariah was chosen by lot to enter the sanctuary of the Lord and offer incense. Suddenly, the angel of the Lord appeared to him and broke to him the good news that would change his and his wife’s life. He was overcome by fear. But the angel told him that there was nothing to be afraid of. In fact, he should rejoice because his prayers had been heard. Elizabeth would conceive a son, and he should name him John. Zechariah was struck with astonishment: “How could this be when I am too old and my wife is just as advanced in age as I am?”

It was quite inconsistent of Zechariah to have displayed unbelief in the words of the angel. His was a questioning stance over the possibility of the good news. All along, he was praying that he be given a child, a son. God heard him. And yet when God sent his angel to deliver the good news, that he was going to have a son, Zechariah hesitated with unbelief. He was not ready to believe that with God everything was possible, that there was no limit to what he could do, including liberating Elizabeth from the shame of barrenness. Because Zechariah showed distrust in the good news, the angel made him dumb until the good news came true.

God is a good God. He knows what brings us down. He perfectly knew that childlessness made Zechariah and Elizabeth insecure. He intended to make them happy, so he answered their prayers. But by his unbelief, Zechariah was blocking God from accomplishing his plan for them. It was as if, although he was praying for a son, he did not really mean it after all.

Many times in our life, we are faced with our own inadequacies – inadequacies that we alone cannot satisfy. We look to God to fill us up. But when God begins to work out his intentions for us, we, like Zechariah, get bewildered, sometimes afraid. For we do not know just how the wisdom of God works. Truly, God’s ways are not man’s ways. The thoughts of God infinitely surpass those of man.

Christmas is the perfect example of God’s wisdom as transcending man’s logic. Man’s mind cannot fully understand why the Son of God had to assume human form to save human beings from sin. He could have taken another way, not such a humbling way, by becoming man. But out of his sheer wisdom, that is both loving and faithful, God willed his Son to be born of a woman in order to dignify once again man, who lost his original dignity to sin.

Christmas is a celebration of the loving and faithful wisdom of God that bends toward man. Let us not be afraid of this God, who is willing to humble himself for our sake because of his infinite love. Let us not be afraid of the fact that sometimes we do not understand his ways of love. Instead, let us rejoice that God both explicitly and incomprehensibly loved us as shown in the event of Bethlehem.

December 18 (Mt. 1,18-24): The Loving Man That Was Joseph

The Gospel recounts a very endearing love story.

The seven verses center on Joseph’s role in the circumstances surrounding the conception of the human nature of Jesus. Mary was betrothed to Joseph. According to the custom of the Jews, a man and a woman are first engaged and are married only a year later when he brings her to his home and consummate the marriage. So Joseph and Mary were living in an espousal state, which would last a year. During this period, Mary was expected to act like Joseph’s wife. Any infidelity on her part would be counted as adultery, and an adulteress deserved nothing less than death.

Then Joseph found out that Mary was with child! She seemed to have broken the contract. She appeared to have slept with another man. She has thus disgraced his name. Therefore, she ought to be punished. Joseph must have been terribly hurt because he loved and adored Mary so much. And yet, despite her apparent unfaithfulness, in his love for her, he did not want to expose her. Instead, he wanted to save her from being shamed and the imminent death sentence. He was contemplating on divorcing her quietly. He would simply sign the divorce papers and give them to her in the presence of two witnesses. By doing this, he would be giving her her freedom. He would lose his “right” to cry foul against her and see her punished. He was a kind man, and he truly loved her.

And then the angel of the Lord appeared in his dream. Probably, it was Gabriel. The angel told Joseph not to worry and not to execute his plan to divorce Mary. Her pregnancy was not due to human action but was the fruit of divine intervention, the work of the Holy Spirit. Mary would not bear an ordinary child but would give birth to the Son the God. The child would save the people from their sins. The angel further intimated to Joseph that Mary’s conceiving was, in fact, the fulfillment of what God had foretold through the prophet Nathan in King David’s time: “The virgin shall be with child and give birth to a son, and they shall call him “Immanuel”, a name which means “God is with us.”

A just man, Joseph did everything that the angel told him. He forewent divorcing Mary and brought her to his home, and she became his wife. He accepted the holy role of being the foster father of the Son of God.

There are three things that we can immediately learn from the example of Joseph. First, trust in God. Joseph put his trust in God. God knows what is best, and Joseph believed that everything that God asked him to do was for the best. Joseph did as the angel commanded him. His trusting attitude, although he was a nobody to the world, living only in an obscure village, made him great in the eyes of God. He must have been a man of prayer, for only a person devoted to prayer would easily submit himself to God’s will.

Second, obedience. Joseph’s obedience was remarkable. His was immediate and unquestioning although it meant having to go through a lot of toil and suffering. As soon as Joseph got up from his bed, he accomplished the command of God. Obviously, Joseph and Mary had definite plans of settling down together and raising a family. But God intervened and wanted them to have room for his own plan instead. Joseph and Mary put far more premium on the will of God.

Third, justice and kindness. Joseph was a just man. In accordance with law, he had to let go of Mary, whom he loved. He had to divorce her. Yet out of kindness, he chose to divorce her quietly so as not to expose her to public ridicule and make her suffer the harsh death penalty. Of course, this never happened because of the Lord.

This Joseph, who is full of trust in and obedient to God, just and kind, protected Mary and the child Jesus while in Bethlehem and Egypt, and provided for their needs in Nazareth. This Joseph is the protector of the family and of the whole Church. Let us run to him for protection.

St. Joseph, pray for us!

December 17 (Mt.1,1-17): Jesus: Son of God and Son of Man

Our name is one of our basic treasures. We want it to be respected because it mirrors who we are. We usually feel uncomfortable when our name is misused, or even get enraged when it is dragged with disrepute or when people make fun of it, especially in the case of little kids.

The Gospel presents a long list of both familiar and unfamiliar names. It begins with the name of Abraham, mentions the name of David and ends with Jesus. This listing of names, tracing the ancestry of Jesus, is called a genealogy. We may not find genealogies interesting for outwardly there are no stories in them. But for every Jew, his genealogy is very important for proving his Jewish ancestry, his racial purity. His genealogy speaks about who he is and determines his class, his place in society.

Matthew, by tracing the roots of Jesus back to Abraham, attempts to show that Jesus descended from Abraham and, therefore, is a Son of Abraham. Abraham was not blessed with a child; his wife Sarah was sterile. God spoke to Abraham in his old age and made a solemn promise that he would be father of nations. All the nations would find blessing in his descendants. And this was fulfilled in Jesus as he commanded his disciples to go to the ends of the earth and make known his good news of salvation.

Matthew also calls Jesus Son of David. Just as Jesus is descended from Abraham, so does he find his roots in David. Nathan prophesied to David that God would raise up an heir from his stock, and he would make his throne firm forever. Jesus is the Davidic heir whose reign would know no end. In the Gospel of Matthew, this name of Jesus, “Son of David”, is associated with many miraculous events. The man whose sight was restored cried out “Son of David”. When Jesus entered the city of Jerusalem, the Jews shouted, “Hosanna to the Son of David!”

The Gospel teaches us that Jesus was unquestionably a Jew. He was a true Israelite. He continued the history of Israel, for he played the indispensable role in the history of Israel. He was the fulfillment of all the promises made by God in the Old Testament.

At the bottom of all these is the truth that Jesus was really a man. He was born of a Hebrew woman named Mary, who was betrothed to a good man named Joseph, who is a descendant of King David. Looking at the genealogy, we might realize, in disbelief, that Jesus, in fact, is descended from ancestors who were far from perfect. Jesus’ ancestry could be traced back to the prostitute Rahab; to Ruth, who was not an Israelite; to the adulterous Bathsheba, who bore David a son named Solomon; to Tamar, the daughter-in-law of Judah by whom he had a son named Perez. Jesus’ genealogy truly abounds with scandals. But we should not see this truth as a scandal to our faith. This only boldly and plainly shows us the humanity of Jesus. Jesus is like us in everything except sin. He is Son of God, hence his divinity, as much as he is Son of Abraham, Son of David and Son of Joseph, hence his humanity.

Jesus, who is God and man, has a love that encompasses all, a love that doesn’t discriminate. This we can glean very clearly from his genealogy which lists good and not-so-good men together, man and woman together (although a woman was regarded as a second-class citizen), Jew and non-Jew together. Jesus did not love only the saintly, he loved the sinners as well; in fact, he even loved them more. Jesus did not draw only men to himself; even women have a special place in God’s plan. Jesus was sent not only to the Jews but also to the Gentiles. So before Jesus the God-man, there is no more saint or sinner, man or woman, Jew or Gentile; all are loved by God. Jesus’ genealogy, after all, is a great story telling us of the breadth and length, the height and the depth of the love of God.

We rejoice over this blessed truth: that Jesus, as human being, is completely one of us. He is no different in this. He perfectly knows our joy and happiness, our hopes and dreams, our grief and anguish. He completely understands everything we go through, what fills our emptiness, what brings true joy in our life, where we must end and what can take us there. With his coming, Jesus blessed our humanity. With him, our fallen humanity is raised once again to the dignity of the image and likeness of God, to the dignity of sons and daughters of God.

December 16 (Jn.5,33-36): A Saving Event

Today begins our nine-day journey towards Christmas, the feast of the birth of our Savior, our Hero. We call these nine masses aguinaldo masses because they are considered as a kind of our Christmas gift to the Lord who comes, but they are regarded as a kind of gift of God to us as well. Our celebration of the dawn masses is very symbolic of the person of Jesus Christ and the person of Mary. Jesus, whom we are waiting for, is the light of the world that dispels all darkness. When he came into the world more than 2000 years ago, he was introduced by Mary. For this reason, Mary can be called the dawn that brought forth the light which is Jesus. We gather very early for nine days in honor of Mary so that we can experience in the dawning day a symbol of herself and her role in the greatest event that ever happened on earth – our salvation.

If you were to ask me to identify one curious event that happened in my personal history, I would readily pinpoint that which took place in 1982. I was hit by a motorcycle on a provincial road in Pinili, where I come from, and was left gravely wounded. For many years, the saving circumstances that snatched back my life from the clutches of death remained a puzzle to me. It was an amazing event that there was an available vehicle to rush me to the hospital. It was an amazing event how supplies for a major orthopedic surgery such as I had gone through would arrive at the hospital where I would be rushed just the night before my accident. It was an amazing event that it was that particular surgeon, and not any other surgeon, who operated on me. For him who believes, this was a miracle. On my ordination day five years ago, the pieces of the puzzle finally fell into place. There was a reason for those events – those saving events. I stand before you all today as a priest. As one who believes, I’d say that each piece of the puzzle fell as it did, each saving event unraveled as it did, because I was to become a priest of God.

Events can save. Things happen because they have a particular place and end in the order of history. For many hundreds of years, the Israelites kept their hopes high for the day of their salvation to dawn. They lived a watchful life, as inspired by the prophets, because the dawning of that day would be the day of their deliverance from sin and death. The birth of Jesus was – and is – the saving event.

We easily admire a person who could forget his own life to save another’s. We admire St. Maximilian Kolbe for offering himself to be killed by starvation and dehydration in one of the barracks in Auschwitz in place of a fellow prisoner who had a family. We admire that man who crashed his aircraft against the spaceship of the aliens to be able to implant the virus and kill them all in the process to save the world from utter annihilation in the film Independence Day. We admire Richie Fernando, the Jesuit scholastic assigned in Cambodia, who used his body to shield a physically handicapped student from a grenade explosion. We get to wish there would always be a willing hero when we need him.

Brothers and sisters, Jesus is the name. Jesus means “God saves.” God is with us. Our hero is with us. Jesus was sent by the Father to do the most admirable work of salvation. It is precisely this work that testified that he, indeed, was sent by the Father, as the Gospel tells us. He is with us because in his undying love for us he wills to save us. He is always there. We only have to call out his name in faith, and he will come to us in our misery.

But Jesus is not a name which only you or I have claim to. Jesus’ coming was not only for my sake nor just your sake. He came to save all. So let us tell the world that “there is no other name in the whole world given to men by which we are to be saved” but Jesus. Let us work even only in simple acts of love towards others and so proclaim that Jesus came to save us all. May our lives be as “saving events” for them.

When man becomes a god

You have made him little less than the angels,
and crowned him with honor and glory.
You have given him rule over the works of your hands,
putting all things under his feet.(Ps. 8,6-7)

Such is the dignity of man. To him is entrusted the care of creation, the expression of God’s love. And this free act of God of choosing man to be the steward of all his works is consequent upon his (man’s) being fashioned after the divine image and likeness.

God is omniscient. Sharing in God’s goodness, man is thus gifted with knowledge so that he may be able to accomplish the holy task of stewardship over creation. Nevertheless, he is not given to eat of the Tree of Knowledge (Gen. 2,9). He may taste of the fruit of any of the trees in the garden except of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge in the middle (Cf.Gen 2,16). God does not let man eat of it by reason that it is the sort of fruit reserved only for God.

The knowledge which God gives man is more than adequate for him to carry out his task. Be that as it may, the prospect of becoming as God or as knowledgeable as he is (Cf. Gen. 3,6) intrigues him and appeals to him. But there is a sort of knowledge that only belongs to the economy of God. Now, man wants to cross the boundaries into the divine realm and mess with the affairs of God in the process. Quite unfortunately, he employs this knowledge not according to God’s designs but to his mere selfish follies.



With this sort of knowledge at his disposal, man, indeed, becomes a god . . yet without a heart, without compassion, without understanding, without respect for life – that singular gift of God. Yes, man as god loses the divine image and likeness.

It is very appalling how this godless god places his rule over the produce of God and puts life under his feet. Man tramples upon life as well as God's reproductive designs; life is reduced to a machine, a commodity, a toy on the hands of mindless minds and heartless hearts, a specimen on the laboratory table, a by-product of exploratory ventures, a mere deliverance of frail human choice.

O, when will man remember God and be truly man – again – and in prayerful admission, pronounce:

Truly you have formed my inmost being;
you knit me in my mother’s womb.
Nor was my frame unknown to you
when I was made in secret.
Your eyes have seen my actions;
in your book they are all written (Ps. 139,13.15a.16a) [?]

On Celebrating the Day of All the Saints

November 1.

We commemorate today the solemnity of all the saints declared as such by the Catholic Church. We believe that these men and women, who lived holy lives on earth, fulfilling what their Christian calling required of them, are now bona fide residents of heaven, the “place” where we all wish to find rest for ever. I wonder if you have ever thought about why we should be celebrating the feast of all the saints. Should we be doing this? From a certain vantage point, celebrating them seems pointless. Today, we praise them, we honor them, and we venerate them. But let us face it, we are not doing them any good. The honor we give them, our praises and our veneration add nothing to who they now are. They are in heaven, enjoying the ever-refreshing presence of the Trinity. What else or who else would they need? They have God, and God is everything! Nobody and nothing can take that away from them – ever again. So why this celebration then? For whom really is this feastday?

It is for us! Our celebration today does not serve the saints a bit, but it does serve us a great deal. All Saints’ Day is a reminder of who we are as Christians: that we are men and women baptized in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Ours is the call to tread the road to holiness, the same road that all the saints have trodden. The saints have reached the finish line, and now the crown of glory is theirs. Venerating their memory, we get in touch with our desire to enjoy the same heavenly residency at the end of our earthly walk. Our hearts are inflamed, and we are arrested by a holy envy: when will I see the face of God? Our existence here below is not an easy walk, and reaching the end is extremely difficult. But the saints present themselves as proofs that it is possible. In fact, the testimonies of their lives of faith, hope and charity stand as the road marks, showing which way to go.

Foremost of the saints is the Blessed Virgin Mary. When I think of the saints now, the Blessed Mother included, I realize that they are not different from us. Aside from the fact that they are human beings like anyone of us, we and the saints share the same calling to holiness. What differentiates us is the response we give to that calling. The difference is in the listening. And that is crucial.

When the angel Gabriel announced to the Blessed Virgin about the plan of God, she was confused. Yes, she understood that she was being singled out among all the women on earth to carry the Savior in her womb, yet she did not understand how that could be possible since she had no husband. But she listened on to the angel. Her listening led to her fiat, and she henceforth conceived the Lord Jesus. Listening is nothing else than being open and receptive. It’s like the womb. If the womb does not receive, there is no giving birth. If the Blessed Mother did not listen to and receive the plan of God, she would not have conceived and given birth to the Savior. To listen then is also to be creative. It’s giving birth to what is good and beautiful. The “yes” of Mary “created” the Lord Jesus in her womb.

This has much to say about our journey on the road to holiness. Our journey is about constant listening to God. The saints are now where they are because they persisted in listening to the will of God. Listening is the key, and there is no other. Our celebration calls us to become like the womb of the Blessed Mother, receptive and creative. Let us be open so that we can, like the saints, conceive and birth forth acts of faith, hope and charity. These will obtain for us the glory that is heaven.

Being man (part 12, end)

Mark had the sincere desire to serve God as a priest. He did not see himself watching his days glide to history except as ministering to God’s people. As his friend, the least I could do was help him keep an unflinching hold on this desire, caution him about movements that could endanger or make loose his hold on that desire, that dream. I believe that man’s thrown-ness into the world becomes meaningful only when he finds happiness in being. And that in turn is sought only when he is what he purposes to be. The coming-to-be of that dream was, to my thought, only that that could redeem Mark from the possibility of a life without sense. From absurdity, Camus would say.

I felt the wind read my thoughts, for a shiver ran through me as I entertained them.

Until the time when the potentiality of being a priest was already an actuality, every day would be a struggle for Mark (as it would be even as a priest). A struggle to be or not to be. Only if Mark authentically is could he lay a firm grip on the dream. Still, a struggle, true to its sense, doesn’t always yield victory. When the passions strike, they strike hard. Sometimes (or many times?), no amount of determination could shame them away.

His question shook me from my thoughts. “Ken, do you believe I can be strong?”

With a smile, I answered reassuringly, “I believe you can, Mark. And if I believe so, you must believe you can. Strength and courage are a matter of the will. Will to be strong. Will to be courageous.”

“Thanks.” His smile was gratefully sincere.

I just got to hope my assurance would do him good.

For the moments that followed, we watched the stars reclaim their spaces in the firmament. The moon shone again with a romantic brightness. And I wondered whether the sun could rise, too, in the west.

My wonderings were disturbed by the sounds of hunger down my belly. My watch said, it’s way past ten. Just one more imagining before being famished.

“Bro, how about getting some dinner?”

“I’d like that.”

“Let’s go.”

The waves came running after us. (February, 1998)

Mal-education

It was already November, but the Educational Service Contracting (ESC) fund for the private schools in Ilocos Norte had not yet been made available. This naturally caused anxiety among school administrators who were relying on it for their teachers’ salaries. Think of the many angry teachers who had mouths to feed, not only their own. To complicate things, there was actually one – only one – school in all Ilocos Norte that obtained its funding as soon as the ESC fund for the entire Philippines was released around September by the Department of Education but presumably with the go-signal of Malacanang. That needed explanation. It turned out that that school went straight to Manila to withdraw its share. Now, where had the fund been hiding for two months? With all the advancement in today’s banking system – electronic transfers and all that – it was quite easy to get suspicious and cast a doubtful look on the people in-charge of wiring funds.

Last year, the province received approximately 28 million pesos. That’s a huge sum. If it were deposited at a rate of 10% per annum for two months, it could earn as much as close to half a million. And if those people, in fact, deposited the money for that duration, where had the interest money gone? Would it be libelous to state that that interest money had gone to their already fat pockets? Cunning men will always find fat cows to milk, even if they were not their own.

It is Gospel truth and common sense suggests that for a field to produce much, it has to be prepared; it must be plowed, its stones and weeds taken away. In like manner, for a student to be fruitful, his stones and weeds must also be flushed out from his system. Education is the process of removing stones and weeding out in students. The Department of Education ought to be the agency through which this critical process must take place. Now, that this government agency itself needs to submit itself to a thorough stone-removing and weeding out is almost glaringly true. Could it be that those government people, who are supposed to be educated – and enlightened – were mal-educated after all? How bleak the future of students look!

2008 American-Canadian-Pacific Vacation

September

22 Arrival in Seatac, WA aboard Northwest Airlines. Lacey, WA. Olympia, WA.

23 Downtown Seattle, WA (Space Needle, Chinatown, Pyke Place Market, Harbor Bay).

24 To Vancouver, BC. Downtown Vancouver (Stroll through streets, Harbor Center). Dinner in Richmond, BC. Overnight in North Delta, BC.

25 Breakfast in North Delta. Joyride around Vancouver. Parks. Lunch at Harbor Market. Stanley Park. Dinner in Richmond. To Edmonton, AB aboard WestJet.

26 Breakfast in Edmonton. Royal Alexandra Hospital. Lunch at West Edmonton Mall. Alberta Capitol. Dinner at Chinatown.

27 Breakfast in Red Deer, AB. St. Louise Lake, AB. Banff Mountains, AB. Lunch to go from Banff’s McDonald’s. Dinner in Calgary, AB.

28 Drive back to and breakfast in Edmonton. To Vancouver aboard WestJet. Brunch at Denny’s. Vancouver Cathedral. East Hastings St. To Seattle aboard QuickCoach Bus. Dinner in Des Moines, WA.

29 Breakfast in Des Moines. Lunch in South Seattle. Seattle Cathedral. Dinner to go from Subway in Seatac. Overnight at Sutton Suites in Seatac.

30 To Newark, NJ aboard Northwest Airlines. Dinner in Jersey City, NJ.

October

1 Breakfast in Jersey City. Midtown Manhattan. Lunch at Grand Central Station. Central Park. Dinner in Jersey City.

2 Breakfast in Jersey City. Start of long drive to Ontario and Quebec regions. Niagara, ON. Dinner in Mt. Hope, ON.

3 Breakfast in Mt. Hope. Downtown Toronto, ON (CN Tower, Lunch in Chinatown). Dinner in Thornhill, ON.

4 Breakfast in Thornhill. Ottawa, ON (The Parliament Buildings, Notre Dame Cathedral, Stroll and Drive around Downtown. Dinner at Imperial Palace, Byward Market. Overnight at Cardinal Suites at 1057 Merivale Road.

5 Breakfast at Tim Hortons en route to Montreal, QC. St. Joseph Oratory. Lunch at the Cafeteria of the Oratory. Notre Dame Cathedral. Old Montreal. Drive around Downtown Montreal. Notre-Dame du Cap,Trois Rivieres. To Quebec City, QC. Dinner at Rascal along Boulevard Laurier. Overnight at Hotel Quartier.

6 Notre Dame Basilica, Quebec. Drive around Downtown Quebec City. St. Anne Basilica. Brunch at Le Marie Beaupre. To New Jersey. Quick look of Lake George. Dinner at Burger King, Lake George.

7 "Vacation Day" from vacationing. Barnes and Noble, Clifton, NJ.

8 Watch "Mamma Mia" on Broadway.

9 Newport Mall, NJ. Lunch at Red Lobster, Clifton. New Jersey Gardens. Dinner in Hackensack, NJ.

10 To Los Angeles, CA. Brunch and Dinner in Carson, CA.

11 Los Angeles Cathedral. Lunch on Universal Studios City Walk. Palos Verdes.

12 Mass at St. Philomena's, Carson. Torrance, CA.

13 Las Vegas, NV. Town Square. Walk the Strip.

14 Breakfast in Vegas. Wildomar, CA. Steak Dinner in Yorba Linda, CA.

15 Another take-off "from vacation" in Carson.

16 To Hawaii. Dinner in Waipahu.

17 Ala Moana Mall. Ala Moana Beach.

18 Lunch at Max's of Manila.

19 Dinner at Ala Moana Hotel and Condominium.

20 Lunch in Kalihi. Dinner in Kahuku. Around the island at late afternoon/night.

21 Breakfast at Pancake House. To Kauai via Hawaiian Airlines. Ele Ele.

22 NaPali Coast lookout. Waimea. Kekaha. Spouting Horn. Hyatt Resort.

23 Arrival from Kauai. Breakfast at Sam Choy's along Nimitz Highway. Lunch in Ala Moana. Dinner in Waipahu.

24 Breakfast at the Our Lady of the Mount Parish Hall in Upper Kalihi. Ala Moana Shopping Center. Lunch in Ewa Beach. Steak Dinner at Buzz's Original Steakhouse in Pearl City.

25 Lunch at Golden Coin. Flight back to Manila, 1:55 p.m. (Hawaiian time)

A piece of New York in Laoag

October 2. I am inside a car right now which will bring me, Fr. Joel, Fr. Nars and Lo Dennis to Niagara Falls, Toronto, Ottawa, Montreal and Quebec City. It is a great time to go up north when leaves start to turn yellow, orange and red. I am a nature-lover, and it has always been my wish to see North America in autumn. Although summer seems fighting to keep itself felt and green is still the dominant color, I’m just glad to be on this road where the beauty of autumn is now written on the trees.

I, together with Fr. Joel, strolled through the streets of Manhattan yesterday, as we did last year. I love New York. What makes the home of the Knicks amazing to me is that, although downtown Manhattan is a jungle of skyscrapers, tall, verdant trees stand majestically along the streets which waves of men and women in suit as well as those trying hard to live a New Yorker’s life traverse every day of rat-race. When I walk amid pairs of maple or elm trees that line busy streets, I feel I am on that spot of the world where I just want to be.

We took the subway to 96th St. to go to Central Park. That street hits the middle of the park. We could have gone as far as 106th St. in the north and stroll all the way down to the southern tip of the park, but because it is so vast a park an hour would never be enough to enjoy it, we decided to go down at 96th. I missed Central Park last year, and I was not going to let this opportunity to enjoy nature in the middle of Manhattan, including the possibility of spotting at least a couple of Hollywood stars, pass me by a second time. And there I was relishing every inch of that American parks system masterpiece. The trees, the ponds, the bridges, the cafes are exactly where they should be. No actor appeared yesterday, but being at Central Park was joy enough. I was just a tourist in New York, but something told me this is paradise for New Yorkers and even for tourists like me, a haven amid the hustle and bustle of exhausting American life so characteristic of the metropolitan northeast. It is an oasis in the desert of what would otherwise be boring buildings. It is the crowning glory of the financial capital of the world, not the New York Stock Exchange Building on Wall Street, nor the Empire State Building, although New York is called the Empire State. New York is not New York without the Central Park. Well, that’s according to me.

I sat beside, well, not too near, a young lady who lay herself on the bench. She was reading a book. Several were just lying on the green carpet. A black man was walking his two dogs. European and Asian tourists, including a Filipino couple based in California, walked past me. A pair of what seemed to me were teen couples were enjoying their walk while chatting. Birds and squirrels had their own ways of relishing their moments. Further away, the big pockets were sipping their whisky, brandy or cognac in the café. Everything was perfect.

What if the space was used to hold more buildings and not the 26,000 trees it now protects? It could have meant more money for the city and the state. But the powers that be, visionaries as they were, opted to dedicate this portion of the land for the creation of a park, thus hallowing it, for by its ponds, on the benches, along its pathways or upon its green spread, the God of creation might be encountered.

And then I suddenly felt the intense desire for a Central Park in my home city of Laoag arrest me. I wanted to see a park, a greenery, a huge garden, in the heart of Laoag where the young and old, the big pockets and those who can hardly make both ends meet, relax and just be themselves, as I was doing.

The space where I am imagining the Central Park could be is presently the site of the Central Elementary School. There are now talks about moving the school to a more conducive location. If the transfer is carried out, I’d be jumping about to see a Central Park there, and not anything else.

It’s autumn in America. The idea of putting a piece of New York in that little space of Laoag may be nothing else but wishful thinking. Be that as it may, I’m still like a leaf holding on to the tree about that wish, praying not to blown away by a heartless, tempestuous wind or to be left taken for granted until it falls. I’m not about to hoist the white flag of surrender. Autumn may turn to winter, when everything would be frozen. But who knows, there are still people somewhere whose hearts aren’t and who share my wish of seeing spring come alive on that space in Laoag.

25th Sunday, OT-A: Mt.20,1-16, "God's Generosity"

I hire you as my workers today, and we agree that at the end of this day’s work at 5 p.m., I will give each of you P300 for your services. That would be just and fair, I suppose. Now, at 3 p.m., I hire 10 more workers to join you in the work. At 5 p.m., all of you line up to me to claim your remuneration. I start with those who started working at 3 p.m., who labored for only a couple of hours, and I give each of the 10 P300. Wouldn’t you expect that since you began working at 8 a.m., and sweated six hours longer that the 10, I would be giving you a higher pay? Would I be unjust and unfair if I gave you the same wage as what those who worked for only two hours received? But take note, P300 was what we agreed on.

The story can be an acid test of our personal values as Christians. If I ask you whether giving those who worked for two hours P300, which is the same sum I give you who worked for eight hours, is fair and just, I think you would grumble and complain that I am being unjust and unfair. You exerted much more effort than the 10, and yet they receive a day’s wage! If that is how you would react, then you need to develop a “second nature” so that you can respond to my generosity as your employer.

In the parable, the owner of the vineyard reflects God; the generosity of the owner of the vineyard reflects the generosity of God. The parable shows us that God is more interested in the worker than in the work done, in the person who produces than in the product. God does not count what we do; rather, he weighs what we do. “It is mercy I desire not sacrifice.”

Remember Dimas, the good thief who was crucified along with Jesus? He was a last hour worker, but he received a handsome wage from Jesus. He was a wicked man but at the twilight of his life, he “worked hard.” He completely changed his attitude and reoriented his life towards God. Thus, he gained heaven.

God’s ways are not man’s ways. God’s justice and rights are not according to man’s calculations. The earlier workers did not understand the decision of the vineyard owner concerning their wage. They had received the usual, just wage but disgraced themselves by their envy. Their complaints were an expression of their dearth of love. That divisive envy cost them the friendship and respect of their employer.

Are we to exchange the “friendship and respect” of God for our enviousness? The true Christian does not begrudge. Let us therefore rejoice in the good fortune of our neighbors and in seeing goodness and generosity manifested in others.

Being man (part 11)

A careful look on him would divulge a bittersweet smile lingering on his face. First time in minutes, I saw his eyes on me, and they seemed to appreciate the kind words I gave him. With folded arms above his chest, he gazed back at the stars shining down at this darkness of our life together. Through the color of night, I could discern the gloom still written on his countenance.

Somewhere in my mind, it dawned that there couldn’t be any difficulty as regards others throwing deriding eyes on him. Why, nobody has taught nobody about the subject on Mark. Only they and I, and God, have access to the room. And come to think of it, for all these years, not a single detail demonstrated to me that, indeed, there was something, well, ‘unusual’ about my buddy. It would take a supernatural talent, a metaphysical light, to comprehend Mark as Mark. I perceived that what was really problematic here was ‘combative’ in essence; Mark was to wage war against the other Mark lurking inside.

“I know how it is to be damned under that undesirable label but . . .”

“Now you know I am one of them. My company is undesirable then,” Mark interrupted.

“No. Of course, not. I was just musing about how they might deal with you. And I’m not one of them. I’m your friend.”

“I know . . . I know.” That gloomy kind of smile returned to him.

“And I was about to say, you’re different. You know how to act well, huh.”

He took my meaning. “Who knows who I am?” he asked the stars.

“Exactly. No one has the slightest reason to think that somewhere within you, there beats a, well, a . . . soft heart.”

“That I am a sissy . . .”

I stood up. “Mark,” my voice sounding close to pleading, “nothing without you ever told me of what was going on within you. Outside, you’re basically the Mark Garcia I made friends with many years ago. You’re a very nice person. I’m certain this is not the first time you ever heard this. You’re intelligent, talented, generous, and helpful. You have all what it takes to be one very good friend. I should tell you, however, as your friend, that you must take care of yourself. Watch out for her. Don’t let her do her things. Be on guard that she does not go chasing the red lights. Then, you’ll still have reason to smile at the world.”

No close observation of him could disclose any reaction to my counsel. There wasn’t any hint whether he assented to my statements. At one point, I feared that they sounded to him more like disbelief in his capacity to withstand the summon of the red lights than caring words to a troubled friend. Or, perhaps, he had already thought of these long ago. (February, 1998)

To be continued...

Feast of the Triumph of the Cross: Jn.3,13-17, "The Wisdom of the Cross"

One of our greatest avoidances, if not the greatest, is suffering. The last thing that we would want to experience is to suffer. We want to live an easy, comfortable life. We frown, or grimace, or squirm at whatever brings us face to face with difficulties, hardships, and problems. Whenever we meet them, we try to skirt away and hide from them. But rarely are we successful in fending them off.

Sometimes, when the strong blows of life hit us, we tend to think that, somehow, it is the will of God. Perhaps, he gives us what we deserve out of the wickedness we do against ourselves, against our fellowmen, against him. The hatred we sow is the same hatred we reap. The anger that we sow is the same anger that we gather. Then, the blows are not as painful. But when a multitude of problems arrest us when all along we feel we are living meritoriously, we question the goodness and justice of God. He would seem to have shut his eyes and allowed Injustice to prowl freely.

Yes, we have a great dislike for anything that makes life inconvenient and difficult for us. We do not like crosses in our life. We do not want to suffer. But isn’t it true that gold has to pass through extreme heat to reveal its luster and glory? A diamond needs to endure many cuts to sparkle more brilliantly. A seed does not sprout unless it is buried in soil. The baby learns to stand on its own feet after innumerable falls. An athlete could never do without undergoing the rigors of daily exercise. A religious sister lives her call only as she turns her back on the pleasures and the comforts and the luxuries of the world. “If you want to come after me, then take up your cross and trace my steps.”

In the Scriptures, God shows us a different way of looking at the cross, at suffering. Exodus narrates that God sent poisonous snakes that bit many of the Israelites. He did this to warn and chastise them; they were constantly complaining, they were wanting in faith. To save from death those bitten, God had Moses set up a serpent on a cross, so that any one who looked at it would be cured. This was going to be an anticipation of the grace of salvation which would flow from the cross of Jesus.

God's way is truly far different from man's. For he used the instrumentality of suffering to bring new life to a dying, if not an already dead, world. The story of Noah has this message. The world in which Noah lived was overflowing with wickedness, corruption and lawlessness. Men and women had very loose morals, and they grieved God. He even got to regret having created the world. But finding favor with Noah, he ultimately decided to renew the earth, and not destroy it totally. He had the earth suffer the utter horror of the great flood. But with this suffering came the promise of new life. The earth was transformed, and God filled it with the blessing of fruitfulness.

But the cross is not only a symbol of the power of God. More significantly, the cross is the ultimate symbol of the love God has for sinful, broken humanity, for us. We are a sinful people, and our sinfulness qualifies us only for death – death forever. But despite our wickedness, God still sees a very good reason to buoy us up from the pit of death – He loves us so much! Love is the reason, the only reason. And so even if it hurt to see his Son, Jesus Christ, suffer, God sent him to take up the cross, walk the distance to Calvary, and get himself nailed and murdered. By that hurting way, Jesus accomplished the great mission of saving the world. The cross brought back to us the grace of eternal life we lost through sin.

Now, who are we not to love the cross?

Job, in the Old Testament, was a very happy man. He had everything a man wanted in life. He was a wealthy but more importantly, a holy man. Then, suddenly and drastically, God took back everything: his beautiful family, everything he possessed, everything. That must have been a very heavy cross to carry. But Job showed that, after all, he did not lose everything. He did not lose what mattered most: his faith. Amid his poverty, he still found reason to shout to the world, “God gave, and God has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!”

The cross is a gift. Let us keep in mind that it was through the triumph of the Lord on the cross that we became heirs of everlasting life. Time and again, we evade the cross because we fail to see that it is out of love that Jesus gives us the cross. He gives it so that we, too, might fight the fight of the faith . . . and emerge victorious.

May the Lord grant us the wisdom to understand that life flows from the cross.

Being man (part 10)

“Mark, I know how difficult all the confusion such as you suffer may get. I should remind you, however, that you did not cause yourself to be. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have elected to be the sort of being that you are now. You, all of us, had been thrown into this unfamiliar world without having been consulted about the sort of being you were to assume. You simply found yourself here and then you realized that you are who you are. How you are, how you feel, is beyond your responsibility. It is not your fault if you are naturally drawn to feel for one of your own kind. Don’t put the blame on you for this.”

“Do you like being Kenneth?” I saw again those eyes that make me admire him. And I did not know what answer I would deliver to him.

“Of course, I do!” my lips just blurted.

“Because there’s nothing wrong with you.”

“And there’s something wrong with you?”

“Tell me, how can I go on pretending there’s nothing wrong with me and still smile at the world?” returned he. His eyes opened as he delivered his inquiry, but he did not throw them on me. I guessed that he was addressing himself to the twinkling things above again.

But that was not the reason that I did not respond at once. Rather, it was not in my immediate ability to face such questioning intelligently. Then I managed to say, “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. The way you look at yourself, there lies what’s wrong. If the way you feel about that man you say you love, which you deem devious and erratic, rationalizes your thinking that there’s something unnatural, therefore wrong, about you, then you are belying God’s claim to the goodness of all his creation. You are a special work of God.” (February 1998)

To be continued...

Remembering God’s Mercy

1. Mary’s faith

At the Anunciation, the Angel Gabriel said to Mary, “Hail, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women…” The Angel was asking Mary’s consent and cooperation in the great mystery of divine power and mercy. Since Eve and until our Lord first spoke, no word more meritorious and full of promise of joy, was pronounced by a human being than Mary’s act of faith: “Be it done unto me according to your word.”

Certainly, Mary knew what she was entering into; she knew God was using her to accomplish his plan of salvation in his mercy towards humanity. For she acknowledged in her Magnificat, “God has come to help of his servant Israel, for he has remembered his promise of mercy.”

2. Man’s fall and God’s promise of salvation

God made man in his image and likeness, and this is the fundamental reason for his dignity. Only man has been called to share in divine life and life forever. But man sinned. And yet after his fall, man was not abandoned by God. He might have lost everything because of sinning, except God’s mercy. In his steadfast love and faithfulness, God called man again and gave him the promise of restoration, the promise of a Redeemer.

We read of this promise in Genesis: A Messiah and Redeemer would be born of a Woman, and a war would be waged between her and the serpent, but a descendant of hers would have the final victory. Mary is that woman.

3. God’s mindfulness of his promise

God has always been mindful of his promise of redeeming mankind from sin. To work his plan, he chose the people of Israel as his instruments. He made covenants with Abraham, Moses and David, and through these covenants, he showed his great love and mercy for his chosen people. “I will be your God, and you will be my people.”

God’s covenant with the people of Israel through Moses was crystallized after their great deliverance from their slavery in Egypt. For many, many years, the Israelites, as slaves of the Egyptians, were like “dead people”. God made them “live again” when, in his great mercy and mindful of his promises, he led them out of that land of bondage. The Exodus-event typifies what the great sacrifice of Jesus, son of Mary, would effect in the lives of fallen humanity. Man has become a slave of sin, and Jesus came precisely to unshackle him, his cross being the key.

But even before the foundation of Israel, God already showed his mercy in the renewal of the world through the Great Flood. There was a general perversion in Noah’s time, and to cleanse the world, God sent the flood. Then after the flood, he promised not to inundate the world again. God gave the rainbow as the sign of that promise. When God would see the rainbow, he would remember that promise, and he would act mercifully again.

4. The fulfillment of the promise in Jesus Christ

Jesus came announcing that the Kingdom of God is at hand, that the day of salvation is near. This strong message he substantiated with his teachings, healings and many other wondrous deeds. His redemptive actions reached their climax with his passion, death and resurrection.

During the last supper, Jesus commanded his disciples: “Do this in remembrance of me.” “Remember” is a powerful word. When the Lord bade his disciples to “do again the last supper” in remembrance of him, it was not only to celebrate his memory, it was not only to imitate what he did, it was not only to gather in fellowship and participate in that commemoration. It was to remember God’s bountiful mercy so truly present, so evident in Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. It was to make that sacrifice present again in the here and now.

The rainbow was the sign of the covenant of God with Noah. But now Jesus Christ himself is the sign of the new covenant of God with man. God recalled his promise not to destroy the world again with flood when he saw the rainbow. But when God sees the Body and Blood of Jesus, his Son, raised in offering in the celebration of the holy mass, he will remember his promise of mercy. God will see the sign, he will remember and he will act again with mercy.

5. The holy mass as memorial of God’s mercy

The holy mass or the Eucharist is a re-enactment, in a bloodless manner, of the sacrifice of the cross. In the last supper, Jesus had every one of us in mind to save. Through the sacrifice of his life on the cross, he saved every person – past, present and future. His sacrifice was once-for-all; that’s why, it need not be repeated anymore. By that singular sacrifice, he gained the merits for the salvation of all. Now, every time the holy mass is celebrated, the sacrifice of the cross is made present once more, and the graces won by Jesus Christ are made available again for the people in the present. And in every celebration of the mass, God remembers his promise of mercy to humanity, and we ourselves remember how merciful God is to us sinners.

God’s richness in mercy and the coming of Jesus as man are two things inextricably joined. It was because of God’s overflowing mercy that he sent his only Son to be the ransom for our sins, that we may be released from the bondage of eternal death into the glory of eternal life. It was precisely the coming of Christ that finally fulfilled God’s promise of mercy.

6. Mary’s participation

Could all this have happened without Mary’s consent and cooperation in God’s merciful plan? We don’t have to think about it. But we thank Mary for saying her unconditional “yes” to God.

Mary knew the history of her people. She knew their desperations and hopes. She knew God’s promise of salvation. She may not have thought even once that she would be playing the vital role of carrying the Redeemer in her womb and bringing him up, until the day Angel Gabriel appeared to her. But when the fullness of time arrived for God to work out his plan of mercy, Mary, herself mindful of God’s mercy, said, “Be it done unto me as you have said.” And she became, as it were, the receptacle of God’s mercy.

7. Our response

Every time we celebrate this memorial of Christ’s death and resurrection, may we remember God, our God, who is rich in mercy for us. Through Mary’s “yes”, God has truly come to help us, for he has remembered his promise of mercy.

23rd Sunday, OT-A: Mt.18,15-20, "My Brothers' Keeper"

We profess to be followers of the Lord Jesus. There is no better way to prove ourselves his followers than to follow his example. He lived a holy life. Throughout his life, he deeply desired that all be converted from their evil ways and fulfill in their own selves what is expected of children of God. He wanted to see all living lives pleasing to God, just as he did.

We are the Body of Christ, who is holy. Everyday of our lives, we endeavor to move a step forward to becoming more holy. But we are not alone in the journey. We have our brothers and sisters journeying with us. As children of the one Father in heaven and as the Body of Christ, it is our ought to be concerned with the holiness of our brothers and sisters. In his ministry, Jesus made the first move to bring an errant person to conversion. Now, he gives us a course of action in dealing with an erring brother or sister. If a brother (or a sister, for that matter) does not realize his mistake, we must make the move. We need to take him aside and correct him in private. He must be convinced that he, indeed, committed a mistake, that he did something wrong and displeasing to God, and that he must repent and make amends. We do not condemn him but we want to win him to lead him to repentance and conversion. This is one most noble act of charity.

If the brother does not listen to us, then we should call for two or three others to help us admonish the brother to repent and change his ways. Again, we never condemn the brother who has fallen out of the way. All we want to do is to help him get back into the journey. Perhaps, this is where the power of intercession is most needed. For Jesus himself promised, “Where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in their midst.”

Still, if the brother does not right his life, the community comes in mercy and in charity to convince the wayward brother to repent, to do penance and to amend his life. But if he remains obstinate even before the community, then he disqualifies himself from being counted among the community. For we need to protect the holiness of the Body of Christ.

But the bottom-line of all these is charity, that brand of charity with which the good shepherd leaves the 99 to look for the one that is lost. Didn’t we say, we are followers of Jesus? This Jesus whom we follow seeks out the lost, those who wander away, never despising them. Let us make his move our move. Perhaps, we can begin moving from home?

22nd Sunday, OT-A: Mt.16,21-17, "To Suffer Is To Live"

The world today reckons suffering as a non-value. Look at our lifestyle: There is instant coffee, instant pancit canton or sotanghon or batchoy, instant juice drink, instant you-name-it. “Instantism” has so developed in us that we already tend to see the virtues of patience, perseverance and endurance as unappealing. We squirm at the slightest inconvenience. We don’t want to carry crosses in our lives. For many of us, to be in the world is to enjoy all the pleasures, all the comforts and all the luxuries life can offer. And if the meaning and intention of life is to be happy, certainly suffering would be out of place. To suffer is to waste one’s life. To desire to suffer is insanity.

But we must remember that suffering is God’s way of bringing life into the world, of breathing out a new spirit into the world. We are in the world, yes. But we are not of the world. For us who wish to reach the end which is eternal life, for us who see beyond this world, for us who believe that there is life after death, suffering is the way to life.

Peter did not understand the whole import why Jesus had to suffer. He was unable to grasp that the Lord’s suffering was the only way to life. The Lord could not fulfill his messianic mission unless he humbled himself, suffered rejection and was put to death. His death was to be the spring from which would flow new life for the world. Peter tried to talk the Lord out of it. Perhaps, he meant well; we would not want a family member or a friend to suffer. But the Lord told him sternly: “Get behind me, Enemy! You are not judging by God’s standards but by man’s!”

It was through suffering that the world was saved in the Lord Jesus. Suffering, then, is a value. To this truth Peter was blind. If he were only able to see beyond suffering, he, at that moment, would have reckoned it sweetest. For after the Lord’s suffering, man was given new life.

Do you realize that people who have patiently gone through a lot of trials, people who have carried their crosses with faith in God, are the strong and tough ones? Who do you think are the people who surrender easily and even resort to committing suicide to end their suffering? They are the ones whose faith has not been edified because they would not take up their daily crosses. I do not think though that God wants us to suffer. God loves us so much that all he wants is our happiness. But while it is true that God wants all to be happy, he also chastises those whom he loves. So when difficulties and hardships abound, His grace abounds all the more. Didn’t Jesus say, “Blessed are they who suffer, for theirs is the kingdom of God?” Let us not be afraid even when problems and difficulties flood around us. He who suffered much will come to our aid. Let us “rejoice in hope, be patient under trial, persevere in prayer.”

Being man (part 9)

I don’t exactly remember how my senses roused from the shock. Nonetheless, I do remember staring at him while unreeling the utterances about the truth, but a while after, the stern gaze I was throwing on him did not reveal him anymore. The next time I was back on myself, he was already back on the sand, lying still. It did not take stock in me how long it took him to leave the water. I guess, I was too engrossed in figuring out what really was from what only seemed because until then I still couldn’t believe that the being I knew he was, was a mere belief, a deliverance of what appears to be. After all, Mark was not Mark. That directly violated the principle of non-contradiction. And that should be intellectually painful.

When my good sense returned, I felt obliged to near him. I folded my knees to a squat, and so I noticed that his eyes were shut off from the world. I fondly held his shoulder to demonstrate a special concern for him, to let him know that whenever he got entangled in brambles against forces unseen, unknown and unavoidable, I’d keep standing by him to brave him, to evidence it was no mistake when he reckoned me one true friend.

I was certain though that everything would not be the same again. (February, 1998)

To be continued...

Being man (part 8)

I don’t exactly remember how my senses roused from the shock. Nonetheless, I do remember staring at him while unreeling the utterances about the truth, but a while after, the stern gaze I was throwing on him did not reveal him anymore. The next time I was back on myself, he was already back on the sand, lying still. It did not take stock in me how long it took him to leave the water. I guess, I was too engrossed in figuring out what really was from what only seemed because until then I still couldn’t believe that the being I knew he was, was a mere belief, a deliverance of what appears to be. After all, Mark was not Mark. That directly violated the principle of non-contradiction. And that should be intellectually painful.

When my good sense returned, I felt obliged to near him. I folded my knees to a squat, and so I noticed that his eyes were shut off from the world. I fondly held his shoulder to demonstrate a special concern for him, to let him know that whenever he got entangled in brambles against forces unseen, unknown and unavoidable, I’d keep standing by him to brave him, to evidence it was no mistake when he reckoned me one true friend.

I was certain though that everything would not be the same again.

“Mark, I know how difficult all the confusion such as you suffer may get. I should remind you, however, that you did not cause yourself to be. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have elected to be the sort of being that you are now. You, all of us, had been thrown into this unfamiliar world without having been consulted about the sort of being you were to assume. You simply found yourself here and then you realized that you are who you are. How you are, how you feel, is beyond your responsibility. It is not your fault if you are naturally drawn to feel for one of your own kind. Don’t put the blame on you for this.”

“Do you like being Kenneth?”

I saw again those eyes that make me admire him. And I did not know what answer I would deliver to him. (February, 1998)

To be continued...

Being man (part 7)

Turning around, he thundered, “Did you hear that? I’m in love with another man!” He himself seemed surprised to hear the words slipping from his lips about his own self. “God, what have I gotten into?” His hands reached for his hips, then raised one, I don’t remember which, to his face, producing movements that expressed the confusion and the chaos and the agony that was he. Shaking his head vigorously, he said in escalating pitch, “This is crazy. I am crazy! Everything is! Oh, why did I ever have to feel this way? Why?”

That stark, unprecedented statement of Mark left me dumb. His confession became a lump on my throat so that not a word passed through it. I opened my mouth, but I just didn’t know what to say. My lips opened and closed like my sister Angela’s fish’s. For moments that seemed like eternity, I was not sure about my feeling about the issue. Would I be mad at him for making a fool out of me? Would I laugh at him, disdain him, for being the being that he is? But I did not have the right. Would I dump him because he was not the friend I thought he was? I treated him the way I did because he was who I thought him to be, didn’t I? I was not sure. But it would have been un-friendly of me. I supposed even my sense of feeling suffered numbness from the rush of words that escaped from his closet.

Faintly, I could hear him blaming his heart. “It’s all your fault. Lia was there, but you chose him.”

At that instant Mark let go of his 'little secret', everything looked different. The moon seemed to have lost its orbit. The stars, which were vibrantly lending themselves for a romantic setting, looked like they were starting to fall away, one after another. (February, 1998)

To be continued...

Friends burning for friends

Every year, the clergy of Laoag go on what we call Lakbay-Aral. Before I was ordained in 2003, the priests had already toured Northern Luzon, Bicol, Bohol-Cebu, and, Zambales-Bataan-Corregidor. On my first lakbay-aral in 2004, we enjoyed the sun and sand of Boracay before our pleasant intrusion of the Panay provinces (except Antique), and Guimaras. In 2005, we flew to Davao. Our destination the following year was CalaBaRZon. Then with our new bishop, we spent four days in Palawan last year. This February, we had a great vacation in Thailand, our first trip abroad as a clergy. Aside from the satisfaction of our need to relax and unwind, this annual trip aims at strengthening our brotherhood. The following was a brief reflection I wrote in a rush when I was compelled to give a homily in one of our masses during our Panay sojourn in 2004. There's some good in keeping old planners (smiles).

The years have taught me that God wants me to treat and approach him as my friend. One day, while on retreat, I was praying God to be always with me. It was a rather cloudy morning, but gradually, I began to see my shadow, myself, before me. The sun had finally victoriously wrestled itself out of the dark clouds. And then I felt tears welling in my eyes and then falling. I realized God will always be with me. I may not see him, but I know that He would continue to shine at my back even without my acknowledging him. When He shines thus, I see myself. As a friend, God will always - even eternally - burn for me.

But God wants to - in fact, does - burn for each one of you as well. It seems that this is how He wants to be identified: I am your friend. "I no longer call you slaves but friends because I have told you everything that I have learned from my Father."

We have been called to a special kind of friendship called the priesthood. As God's friend, I have been gifted with this special relation with him. And I behave as a friend as I fulfill my priestly responsibilities and obligations.

Since the priesthood is a gift we have received from one and the same Friend, we must also treat one another as friends. Don't friends love one another? "You are my friends if you do what I command you. Love one another as I have loved you." How did Jesus love us? He kept himself burning unto death for us.

Do we count every brother priest our friend?

Frederick Faust once said: "There's a giant asleep in every man. When that awakens, miracles happen." I'd like to think as one among this company of friends that that giant is the friend in us.

I have read of a man who got lost in the woods. He met a stranger and asked him, "Can you show me the way to the highway?" "No, I can't," said the stranger. "But if we walk together, we might just find it."

Wouldn't it be a big miracle if we walked the priestly stretch together without becoming a babel of voices against a brother priest or anyone? I believe we would become more credible as friends to the people we serve if they see us priests behaving as friends to one another.

If they ask us, "Who do you say that Jesus is?" and we tell them, "He is my friend, our friend," we would make sense.

May this get-together make us grow in our friendship.

Being man (part 6)

I blurted out laughing. “For God’s sake, Mark! A seminarian falling in love with a girl does not sound like a real problem to me, in the least. Why, are you nuts?” my voice almost squeaked. “It’s absolutely and humanly normal to fall in love. It’s perfectly sane for a young man to be emotionally involved with a young woman. Seminarians are still human beings who have hearts, you know, and therefore are capable of loving, or if you please, have the right to love,” I pointed out.

“I do understand every bit you squeaked.” A pale try at humor.

“Sorry. But I don’t think you do. You’re being too scrupulous. What I do think is, it is inexplicable that you are bothered by such issue as being in love at all. Unless, of course, if you’re already one of them. I mean, a priest.” Wrong, I heard myself challenged me. “Oh, but even priests may still fall in love, you see. So stop worrying.”

“No, you don’t understand, Ken. And I do have all the reasons to worry.”

“Mark, listen. Call this a test, all right? Just get a feel of everything that’s going on in your heart. It will do you some good. Being at it will help you clarify the reasons why seminary structure and routine still do mean a lot to you. You’ll be able to see more clearly where you really belong. Look at me. I tried St. Patrick, well, not only because you would be there but also because I wanted to see if it just might be my life. I realized it was not, so I left. What you feel right now may help you choose the way to go. College will be over, Mark, and you’ll have to choose, theologate or what? ”

“You don’t know a bit of what’s making me down and out because you haven’t heard a single thing from me yet.”

That kicked the hell out of me. Whatever I still had in my mind was left lodged in my throat. I was surprised to realize that I hadn’t actually given him a chance to really talk, and he had already been beating his third beer to his belly.

“Ken, yours were well-meant, I know. And thanks,” he went on, “but it’s not what you think that is pulling me to only hell knows where . . . I can’t keep it any longer. It’s tearing me.” He ran his left hand across his face as though drying it up. An air of gloom hung around where a romantic one once was. His sighs and deep breaths became more frequent, as I drank from my bottle. He rose to his feet and began to pace toward the water. He paused where the water was almost halfway to the knee. He ran his fingers through his black hair, which shone in the moonlight, and drank down his beer in several swift gulps.

“Ken,” he pronounced, his back toward me, “I’ve fallen for a guy.” (January, 1998)

To be continued...

Photographs on the wall

As the secretary of the Priests’ Assembly of the diocese, I went to the bishop’s residence to have the minutes of the last meeting photocopied. Passing by the dining room, I took glimpses, as I usually do every time my feet take me there, of the laminated pictures of our venerable priests who, we pray, are already enjoying the beatific vision. Under their names are written the date of their ordination and the date of their earthly departure. And I was drawn to the invisible reality between those dates, an unwritten history - that which really matters. Going back to the car, I could hardly shake myself from these thoughts.

These great men, whose memory is perpetuated in those pictures, exude an air like they had never seen years of discontent. What could have their years been like? How am I to see those hidden years? The days of glory are come, but I am drawn to the days leading to the laurels. For to me, what matters is not so much what challenges laid on their way as how they responded to those challenges. And I can see their chasubles yellowed with overuse, the stoles gradually losing their colors, their chalices enduring the elements, their breviaries worn and torn. I can hear their strong words to parishioners who force their devious thoughts and opinions, and yet I can also hear their hearts throbbing with compassion. I can hear the sound of their vehicles braving mud in the barrios. Cups of coffee, perhaps a few sticks of cigarette, alerted them at their tables as they prepared their sermons, conferences and other talks in the late of night. The dining tables might have given up on them several times. Some ingrates might have pierced their ears and caused them pain. Others might have been indifferent to their labors and blind to and perhaps even frowned upon their sacrifices. But through all this, they remained faithful. And then there I was standing before their photographs on the wall. I get to ask myself: will people be enriched by my own years in between?

This is only my first sacerdotal anniversary. The words of the Lord, “Feed my sheep,” encapsulated the vision of my life as priest. As I celebrate my first year anniversary as a priest, I feel summoned to confront myself in regard to my priestly motto. Have I concretely been a shepherd after the heart of the Lord? How close have I approximated the Lord’s model? Have I been a compassionate priest? Could have I shooed some sheep away instead of leading them into the stalls? I realize I need to forgive myself.

But remembering that great day when I solemnly said ‘yes’ to the Lord, uplifts me as well. That special memory has a mysterious way of building up my spirit. It renews and reenergizes. It further gears me up for the ministry. I won’t enumerate the very little things I have done thus far. Or have I done anything? But I hope to make each day of my priestly life count.

It’s amazing how the dead can still instruct the living about living, and how dead priests continue to teach and edify me in my own ministry. The time will come when my photograph, too, will hang on that cold wall near the dining room of the bishop’s residence. May my priestly passion never die while I live. (November, 2004)

Being man (part 5)

Facing me, he confessed, “Ken, I feel like I’m closed up in a dark dungeon right now. I’m so lost.” His face was a picture of sadness and confusion. Turning away, he began drinking a second bottle, and he drank straight until it was half-full. Wow, I couldn’t believe my eyes! Teacher’s success? It became definite to me that somehow I miscalculated the gravity of his burden, whatever that might be. Onerous might have been the right word to describe his yoke.

“You have me. I can very well be someone to whom you can unload. Let me guess... Jesus, you’ve been caught cheating and you’re not going to march! No, by now you have perfected the art. Your name’s taken out from the dean’s list or you’re not graduating with honors? How could you be so dumb to allow it? Negative. Heart-broken? What?”

I waited forever for an answer. By the look in his eyes as he looked my way only to look away almost immediately, it seemed that it was not in his proximate volition to spill his heart and his mind as yet. Not that he did not trust me, I believe. Maybe, he was just not ready to talk about it to me then or to anyone else. And I knew I had, and was ready, to respect him and understand the pace with which he could make any pronouncement. With which he revealed the Mark he kept inside.

Then, I caught him saying, “God must have let things happen as they did to let me know that I have forgotten to love him as he deserved to be loved.” These words struck me as vague naturally.

“Just what exactly do you mean?”

“I’m so sorry for not being very honest about myself with you. There were hundreds of things that you should have known or I should have confided in you, as a very dear friend to me. But I simply decided to keep them all to myself. Times came when I thought it was better to write to you to tell you my things. And then again, I had the unlucky fate of being unable to do it. Any desire to do it was swept out of my will before I could ever say or write a word.”

“Don’t be, pretty boy. I perfectly understand that. Every one of us has his own secret place. A sacred place, a sanctuary where only we can go to,” I said, emphasis put. “I don’t know how any man alive can go on living without it. It is, indeed, necessary in order to maintain his well-being. I don’t see any reason that it should be wrong that you keep some of your things from me. Total transparency is not indispensable for relations such as ours to thrive. I don’t think that is ever possible, either.”

“Thanks,” he said, softly but appreciatively. I heard another sigh slip out from deep within him. “If you only knew . . .” His voice trailed off.

“So let me,” I almost found myself say when the idea that it was better if he himself spelled out what bothered him to death, disallowed me.

“I have been investing my time, love and tenderness on one person. It was a dangerous love because I was loving the person in such a way that I shouldn’t have had. It was wrong. Forbidden. I was certain God did not approve of it.”

“So I was right. My friend is a heart-broken man. Hey, take it easy.”

“It’s not what you think.”

“You fell in love, right?”

He nodded. “And it’s still there.”

“And that’s what’s wrecking your head?”

Another nod. (January, 1998)

To be continued...

Being man (part 4)

“Days in St. Patrick’s were like . . . like heaven, Ken. My best years . . . yeah,” his voice like trailing off.

“Best years! Oooohh, well, I wonder what would have happened to you if I did not leave. St. Patrick could have enjoyed the sweet aroma of Gilbey’s more often! Remember when you blew in the chapel during the lauds? Man, that really made me tremble. ‘Twas a brave brush with the rules, huh. I guess, being there was like always bringing you to danger zones! You should thank me. You owe me those best years!” He gave me an uncertain look. “Just kiddin’.” He held up his hands. “But it hurts to think I was not part of those years.”

“Two years, Ken. My first two years were great because you were there.”

“Adding spice to your life? You’re welcome! At least, my presence did you something good.” There I was mixing things up again. Mark knew my ways. No, not every bit.

“Well, what are friends for?” He grinned. And laughter. We raised our bottles for a toast. A big splash climbed up the shore almost wetting our feet. The sea must have desired to join us in the toast, for along the years of growth, of pain and of joy, the sea was a faithful companion.

“Yup, what are friends for?”

Silence returned to take its place between us. Once more, he cast his gaze far out to the silvery sea. But I did not find anything yonder that should interest me. Perhaps, he saw things my eyes just couldn’t see. Or he might have been looking at things he himself didn’t see. Turning to him, I tendered a friendly tap on his shoulder.

“Something’s bothering you?” (January, 1998)

To be continued...